“Let us pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another…And “If possible, so far as it depends upon you, be at peace with all men” (Rom. 12:18; Rom. 14:19).
In other words, peace won’t just happen as we’re indifferent or passive. We’ve got to make an effort to pursue it. We can’t be indifferent or passive about it.
I read a story where a boy scout troop went on a trip. One of the boys stole the chocolate bar from another boy. He told their leader and she told him she was not taking them to the zoo, until he forgave Brian for stealing his candy. He said, “Brian doesn’t want to be forgiven.” She told him, “Well, make him!” Suddenly, he chased Brian, knocked him to the ground, sat on him, and yelled, “I forgive you for stealing my candy bar, but I’d sure find it easier to forget if you would wipe the chocolate off your mouth!”
I know you would agree that was too aggressive, but you get my point. Yeshua said that if you’re worshiping God and suddenly remember that your brother has something against you, leave the worship service, go be reconciled to your brother, and then come back and worship God (Matt. 5:23-24). We are to take the initiative to do all we can to restore strained relationships.
It’s always time consuming and more of a hassle to do that than it is to let it slide. We rather not expend the emotional energy and time involved in getting things straightened out. We figure that time will heal. Besides, it’s always humbling to admit I was wrong! So we don’t actively pursue peace. Of course, love covers a multitude of sins (1 Pet. 4:8); we aren’t supposed to confront a person for every minor offense. We should absorb a lot. But if I’ve offended someone or if his offense is such that I can’t relate to him/her without clearing it up, then I need to attempt to seek peace.
Say to the one you wronged, “God showed me how I was wrong to [name the offense]. I want to live in a way that pleases Him. So, I’ve come to ask ‘Will you forgive me?’” If someone else has wronged you, be careful not to accuse or attack him, but seek to restore him in a spirit of gentleness, remembering that you, too, are a sinner (Gal. 6:1). Therefore, we must turn from evil (selfishness) and do good by pursuing peace. If our motive and behavior is oriented toward peace, it provides a foundation for our verbal communication.
Some behavior is conducive to peaceful, healthy communication. In verse 8, we find a few character qualities that enhance relationships and communication: harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted and humble in spirit. A harmonious mindset (same mind and attitude) seeks to please God and obey His Word. We must be committed to our daily, lifelong process of dying to self and learning to please God, then we will be growing in this character quality of being harmonious…so we will not have constant conflict.
Some might be thinking, “Now wait a minute. You’ve been talking about denying myself, laying down my rights, not retaliating, blessing those who insult me, being harmonious. sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble. But it’s a dog-eat-dog world! If you knew my husband (or wife or boss or roommates), you’d know that if I really did that, I’d get trampled! Who’s going to look out for my rights? Who’s going to protect me if I act like that?”
God will (v. 12)! His eyes are on the righteous. His ears attend to their prayer. But His face is against those who do evil. Do you want God on your side? Then, please Him by turning from evil and doing good in your walk and your words. Even if you suffer for the sake of righteousness, you’ll be blessed (v. 14).
I know of no Scripture that would do more good for our relationships in our families and in our church than 1 Peter 3:8-12. I ask you to commit it to memory and take whatever steps necessary to apply it to your relationships. To turn from evil behavior and speech and to pursue godly behavior and speech, no matter how you are treated…that’s God’s prescription for healthy communication.
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